《匆 匆—— 朱自清 》 -英语翻译教程-中英双语赏析

朗读这篇文章

匆 匆—— 朱自清 

Rush –Zhu ziqing

 

🔥背景知识:本文是朱自清的早期散文,写于1922年7月28日。文章充满诗意,对时光的消失深表感叹和无奈,流露对当时青年知识分子的苦闷和忧伤情绪。

 

🔥学习建议:文中列出了两种译文(选自《张培基散文选》和《散文佳作108篇》),句子解析部分只针对译文1。大家可自行从选词、句式、冗长or精简、直译or意译、修辞手法等角度对两种译文进行供对比赏析。两种译文没有对错之分,都是学习的好材料,可以借鉴模仿。

🔥说明:对于翻译学习者来讲,除了积累表达和运用翻译技巧,对不同的译文进行对比也是一种好的学习方式。

🔥对比时注意

①自己想不到的地方

②各译文的不同之处。提供多种译文版本的材料真的很难得,请一定珍惜这些材料并进行对比赏析,这会让翻译学习有一个质的提升的。本期活动会穿插几篇提供两种译文的文章,供大家学习和练习。

 

燕子去了,有再来的时候;杨柳枯了,在再青的时候;桃花谢了,有再开的时候。

译文1:If swallows go away, they will come back again. If willows wither, they will turn green again. If peaches shed their blossoms, they will flower again.

译文2:Swallows may have gone, but there is a time of return; willow trees may have died back, but there is a time of regreening; peach blossoms may have fallen, but they will bloom again.

🎈文章一开头,用了一个三重排比句,具有很强的气势。英译时采用了相应的句式,但为了避免过多重复而显得单调,在最后一部分稍作改变,不用there is a time of reblooming。同时,每句均以if从句为首,使人想起英国诗人雪莱(Shelley)的名句If Winter comes, can Spring be far away,有助于烘托原文的韵味。

 


但是,聪明的,你告诉我,我们的日子为什么一去不复返呢?

译文1:But, tell me, you the wise, why should our days go by never to return?

译文2:Now, you the wise, tell me, why should our days leave us, never to return?

🎈the wise是you的同位语。

🎈…为什么要why should…

Why(or How) + should结构表示说话人对某事不能理解,感到意外、惊异等意思。意为「竟会」

例句

Why should you be so late today?

你几天怎么来得这么晚?

🎈一去不复返never to return

少年是<一去不复返>的。

Youth will soon be gone never to return.

胡适《不要抛弃学问》


 

——是有人偷了他们罢:那是谁?又藏在何处呢?

译文1:—Perhaps they have been stolen by someone. But who could it be and where could he hide them?

译文2:—If they had been stolen by someone, who could it be? Where could he hide them?

🎈who could it be:it可指代性别不明的人。

where could he hide them:he是单数型代词,书面英语中泛指(人)他,她有些人不喜欢这种用法,更倾向于使用 he or she 或 they。

例句

The teacher should encourage the child to proceed as far as he can, and when he is stuck, ask for help.

老师应该鼓励孩子尽量自己去做,遇到困难时,寻求帮助。

 


是他们自己逃走了罢:现在又到了那里呢?

译文1:Perhaps they have just run away by themselves. But where could they be at the present moment?

译文2:If they had made the escape themselves, then where could they stay at the moment?

🎈「现在又到了那里呢」译为But where could they be at the present moment,其中at the present moment等于now,也可用at the moment或at the moment in time等表达。


 

我不知道他们给了我多少日子;但我的手确乎是渐渐空虚了。

译文1:I don’t know how many days I am entitled to altogether, but my quota of them is undoubtedly wearing away.

译文2:I do not know how many days I have been given to spend, but I do feel my hands are getting empty.

🎈「我不知道他们给了我多少日子」译为I don’t know how many days I am entitled to altogether,其中entitled to相当于qualified for,作“能有……”或“有权得到……”解。此句也可译为I don’t know how many days been given to live。又,在本世纪的白话文中,我们常常会发现,第三人称代词的用法还不甚规范。比如朱自清本人就用“他们”,指代过“女子”(《荷塘月色》)。本篇中分别用了“他们”和“他”来指代“太阳”和“日子”,当然可以看作拟人化的修辞手法而在翻译中保留下来。但是,这一句中的“他们”是很松散的泛指,所以就用被动式避开。

🎈 “但我的手确乎是渐渐空虚了”不宜逐字直译,这句话的意思就是“日子已经渐渐逝去,留存的已经不多”。现以意译法处理为my quota of them is undoubtedly wearing away。其中quota of them的意思是“一定数额的日子”,也即“寿命的预期数额”。也可用my allotted span代替my quota of them。


 

在默默里算着,八千多日子已经从我手中溜去;

译文1:Counting up silently, I find that more than 8000 days have already slipped away through my fingers.

译文2:Taking stock silently, I find that more than eight thousand days have already slid away from me.

🎈“八千多日子已经从我手中溜去”译为more than 8000 days have already slipped away through my fingers,其中to slip away through one’s fingers是英语习语,正好为中文表达“从某人手中溜去”的counterpart


 

像针尖上一滴水滴在大海里,我的日子滴在时间的流里,没有声音,也没有影子。

译文1:Like a drop of water falling off a needle point into the ocean, my days are quietly dripping into the stream of time without leaving a trace.

译文2:Like a drop of water from the point of a needle disappearing into the ocean, my days are dripping into the stream of time, soundless, traceless.

🎈“没有声音,也没有影子”并未按原文语序,而是前者处理为quietly,后者处理为without leaving a trace分别置于drip into前后,使句式结构整体较为和谐。


 

我不禁头涔涔而泪潸潸了。

译文1:At the thought of this, sweat oozes from my forehead and tears trickle down my cheeks.

译文2:Already sweat is starting on my forehead, and tears welling up in my eyes.

🎈“我不禁头涔涔而泪潸潸了”的译文中添加了At the thought of this(一想到这儿),承上启下,原文虽无其字而有其意。

🎈这句话理解不难,只是要译出其所表达的情感有些困难,所以重点是选词及表达。“头流汗”是怎么流,流的是怎样的汗?“流泪”又是怎样的?非常考验选词,译文中sweat oozes from及tears trickle down(背影中也提到过这个表达)可以借鉴。


 

去的尽管去了,来的尽管来着;去来的中间,又怎样地匆匆呢?

译文1:What is gone is gone, what is to come keeps coming. How swift is the transition in between!

译文2:Those that have gone have gone for good, those to come keep coming; yet in between, how swift is the shift, in such a rush?

🎈注意句式,同时要注意时态的转换。原译虽如此,以及当成诗句翻这样是完全可以的,但此处保险起见,我个人建议大家以分号或连词对句子进行连接。

🎈第二句的原文貌似是简单疑问句,但是译文直接处理成了感叹句,同时修改了符号,其实更符合原文作者想要表达的意思。又,积累“来去之间”的处理方式:in between。


 

早上我起来的时候,小屋里射进两三方斜斜的太阳。

译文1:When I get up in the morning, the slanting sun casts two or three squarish patches of light into my small room.

译文2:When I get up in the morning, the slanting sun marks its presence in my small room in two or three oblongs.

🎈 “两三方”译为two and three squarish patches,其中squarish的意思是“似方形的”比square模糊些,似较可取。


 

太阳他也有脚啊,轻轻悄悄地挪移了;我也茫茫然跟着旋转。

译文1:The sun has feet too, edging away softly and stealthily. And, without knowing it, I am already caught in its revolution.

译文2:The sun has feet, look, he is treading on, lightly and furtively; and I am caught, blankly, in his revolution.

🎈“挪移”在此有“慢慢离开”的含义,现以英语短语动词(phrasal verb) to edge away表达。

🎈“也茫茫然跟着旋转”未用too、also等词译出,而是译作am already caught in its revolution。真的很妙,而且读到这一句,会让人联想到宇宙中行星捕获卫星的场景,使此篇散文的美感在此加持下更上一层楼。


 

于是——洗手的时候,日子从水盆里过去;吃饭的时候,日子从饭碗里过去;默默时,便从凝然的双眼前过去。

译文1:Thus the day flows away through the sink when I wash my hands; vanishes in the rice bowl when I have my meal; passes away quietly before the fixed gaze of my eyes when I am lost in reverie.

译文2:Thus—the day flows away through the sink when I wash my hands, wears off in the bowl when I eat my meal, and passes away before my day-dreaming gaze as I reflect in silence.

🎈注意此句以及接下来几句中若干表示动作的词语在译文中均挑选恰当的英语短语动词表达,效果较好。如:“从……(双眼前)过去”译为to pass away before…;“伸出手遮挽……”译为to reach out for…;“从……(手边)过去”译为to brush past…;“从……(身上)跨过”译为to stride over…;“从……(脚边)飞去了”译为to flit past…;“闪过去了”译为to flash past。

🎈三个排比部分中 重复出现的“过去”一词,英译文中分别用flow away, wear off和pass away,是为了跟设喻的形象对应。


 

我觉察他去的匆匆了,伸出手遮挽时,他又从遮挽着的手边过去,天黑时,我躺在床上,他便伶伶俐俐在从我身上跨过,从我脚边飞去了。

译文1:Aware of its fleeting presence, I reach out for it only to find it brushing past my outstretched hands. In the evening, when I lie on my bed, it nimbly strides over my body and flits past my feet.

译文2:I can feel his haste now, so I reach out my hands to hold him back, but he keeps flowing past my withholding hands. In the evening, as I lie in bed, he strides over my body, glides past my feet, in his agile way.

🎈句中,aware of sth在句子中充当状语,也表伴随,主语是“我”,后面only to find it doing表示结果状语。In the evening,when I lie on the bed都是时间状语,后面的主语又换成了“时间”。

 


等我睁开眼和太阳再见,这算又溜走了一日。

译文1:By the time when I open my eyes to meet the sun again, another day is already gone.

译文2:The moment I open my eyes and meet the sun again, one whole day has gone.

🎈when引导定语从句,先行词为time。

🎈gone作形容词,表示“……离开、过去的、不复存在”,是一种很常见的用法。


 

我掩着面叹息。

译文1:I heave a sigh, my head buried in my hands.

译文2:I bury my face in my hands and heave a sigh.

🎈my head buried in my hands为独立主格结构。

 


但是新来的日子的影儿又开始在叹息里闪过了。

译文1:But, in the midst of my sighs, a new day is flashing past.

译文2:But the new day begins to flash past in the sigh.

🎈在……之中in the midst of


 

在逃去如飞的日子里,在千门万户的世界里的我能做些什么呢?只有徘徊罢了,只有匆匆罢了;在八千多日的匆匆里,除徘徊外,又剩些什么呢?

译文1:Living in this world with its fleeting days and teeming millions, what can I do but waver and wander and live a transient life? What have I been doing during the 8000 fleeting days except wavering and wandering?

译文2:What can I do, in this bustling world, with my days flying in their escape? Nothing but to hesitate, to rush. What have I been doing in that eight-thousand-day rush, apart from hesitating?

🎈 Living和主语“我”是主动关系,这里分词理解成伴随状语,表示“我正住在这个世界”。“逃去如飞的日子”和“千门万户”都处理了adj.+n.的结构,比较整齐划一。“只有徘徊罢了,只有匆匆罢了”这两句是散句,也较短,译者就与前面的句子进行了合并。又,(原文)分号前后的两个意群译时句式结构基本一致。

🎈句中的“千门万户的世界”一语,乍一看似乎是指世界之大,但仔细推敲意义不应该如此简单,因为写世界之大的词语很多,这里通过“门户”很多来形容,必定另有所指。我以为这个词语应该兼有“人事纷繁”的意思,所以用bustling world来译,这样也与篇名相符。

🎈 “徘徊”和“匆匆”似乎是矛盾的,在这里却摆在了一起,不禁令人诧异。后半句马上做出解释,原来“匆匆”的是时光,“徘徊”的是人心。推而广之,这就是物质和肉体的外在“匆匆”与内心和精神的内在“徘徊”之间的冲突。基于这个分析,用了hesitate而不是其他表面看来更接近原文的词来译“徘徊”。

 


过去的日子如轻烟,被微风吹散了,如薄雾,被初阳蒸融了;

译文1:The bygone days, like wisps of smoke, have been dispersed by gentle winds, and, like thin mists, have been evaporated by the rising sun.

译文2:Those bygone days have been dispersed as smoke by a light wind, or evaporated as mist by the morning sun.

🎈这句的翻译基本属于直译。但同时需要注意的是“形似”。比如“如轻烟,被微风吹散了,如薄雾,被初阳蒸融了”,这句句式应该是相同的,那么译文中也要考虑相同的问题。

 


我留着些什么痕迹呢?我何曾留着像游丝样的痕迹呢?

译文1:What traces have I left behind? No, nothing, not even gossamer-like traces.

译文2:What traces have I left behind me? Have I ever left behind any gossamer traces at all?

🎈trace一词在前后文中保持一致。

🎈留下;余留leave behind sth

 


我赤裸裸来到这世界,转眼间也将赤裸裸的回去罢?

译文1:I have come to this world stark naked, and in the twinkling of an eye, I am to go back as stark naked as ever.

译文2:I have come to this world, stark naked; am I to go back, in a blink, in the same stark nakedness?

🎈赤裸裸 stark naked,形容词(组)作状语。

🎈转眼间、一瞬间、眨眼间in the twinkling of an eye

🎈am to go back:be to do可表示“注定、不可避免、必然会发生。

 


但不能平的,为什么偏要白白走这一遭啊?

译文1:However, I am taking it very much to heart: why should I be made to pass through this world for nothing at all?

译文2:It is not fair though: why should I have made such a trip for nothing!

🎈别往心里去、别把……放心上Don’t take… to heart.

🎈在世上白白走一遭pass through this world for nothing at all


 


你聪明的,告诉我,我们的日子为什么一去不复返呢?

译文1:O you the wise, would you tell me please: why should our days go by never to return?

译文2:You the wise, tell me, why should our days leave us, never to return?

🎈would you比could you更委婉。would 更能表现出人心里的意愿,常翻译为「愿意」,而could更倾向于「有能力」

 

🔥必背词汇

nimble       adj.灵活的,敏捷的

英义

able to move quickly and easily

例句

She was extremely nimble on her feet.

她的双脚特别灵活。

 

teeming      adj.大量的;充满(移动着的人、动物等)的;拥挤的

英义

present in large numbers; full of people, animals, etc. that are moving around

例句

His mind is teeming with ideas.

他的脑子里充满了各种想法。

 

disperse      v.(使)分散,散开;疏散;驱散

英义

to move apart and go away in different directions; to make sb / sth do this

例句

The crowd dispersed quickly.

人群很快便散开了。

 

gossamer      n.蛛丝

英义

the very fine thread made by spiders

例句

Dragonflies have very gossamer wings.

蜻蜓有非常丝薄的翅膀

 

stark       adj.严酷的;赤裸裸的;真实而无法回避的

英义

unpleasant; real, and impossible to avoid

例句

The author paints a stark picture of life in a prison camp.

作者描绘出一幅冷酷而真实的战俘营生活画面。

 

swallow      n.燕子

英义

you must not take too seriously a small sign that sth is happening or will happen in the future, because the situation could change

例句

One swallow doesn’t make a summer.

一燕不成夏(不能单凭微小的迹象而下定论)

 

flower        v.开花

英义

to produce flowers

例句

This particular variety flowers in July.

这个品种七月开花。

 

 

ooze         v. (浓液体)渗出,慢慢流出

英义

if a thick liquid oozes from a place, or if sth oozes a thick liquid, the liquid flows from the place slowly

例句

Blood oozed out of the wound.

血从伤口慢慢流出来。

 

reverie       n.幻想,白日梦,梦想

英义

a state of thinking about pleasant things, almost as though you are dreaming

例句

She was jolted out of her reverie as the door opened.

门一开就把她从幻想中惊醒。

 

🔥重点表达

我们的日子一去不复返our days go by never to return

现在at the present moment、now、at the moment、at the moment in time

能有……、有权得到……be entitled to

从某人手中溜去to slip away through one’s fingers

像针尖上一滴水滴在大海里Like a drop of water falling off a needle point into the ocean

两三方斜斜的太阳two or three squarish patches of sunlight

从……(双眼前)过去to pass away before…

伸出手遮挽……to reach out for…

从……(手边)过去to brush past…

从……(身上)跨过to stride over…

从……(脚边)飞去了to flit past…

闪过去了to flash past

又溜走了一日another day is already gone

我掩着面叹息I heave a sigh, my head buried in my hands.

在……之中in the midst of

像游丝样的痕迹gossamer-like traces

留下;余留leave behind sth

赤裸裸 stark naked

转眼间、一瞬间、眨眼间in the twinkling of an eye

在世上白白走一遭pass through this world for nothing at all

 

🔥复盘测试

我们的日子一去不复返

现在

能有……、有权得到……

从某人手中溜去

像针尖上一滴水滴在大海里

两三方斜斜的太阳

从……(双眼前)过去

伸出手遮挽

从……(手边)过去

从……(身上)跨过

从……(脚边)飞去了

闪过去了

又溜走了一日

我掩着面叹息

在……之中

像游丝样的痕迹

留下;余留

赤裸裸

转眼间、一瞬间、眨眼间

在世上白白走一遭

🔥表达对比

「痕迹」有几种表达?

 

我留着些什么(痕迹)呢?

What traces have I left behind?

 

上周,女孩的姐姐注意到她身上的「痕迹」。

Last week, after the girl’s sister noticed marks on her body.

 

塔利班武装力量则加紧活动,以便迫使批评人士缄口,同时驱除政府影响的任何「痕迹」。

The Taliban’s militants have intensified their campaign to silence critics and drive out signs of government influence.

 

其间耳闻目睹的所谓国家大事,算起来也很不少;但在我心里,都不留什么「痕迹」。

I have witnessed and heard about quite a number of big events known as “affairs of state”. None of them, however, has had any impact on my heart.

未经允许不得转载:帕布莉卡 » 《匆 匆—— 朱自清 》 -英语翻译教程-中英双语赏析

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