三毛《不死鸟》 -经典散文英译-中英双语赏析

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不死鸟

◎ 三毛

一年多前，爱书人杂志给我出了一个题目“如果你只有三十天的寿命，你将会做些什么？”(1)

我一直没有动笔。(2)

荷西听我说起这件事情，也曾好奇地问过我，——“你会做些什么呢？”

当时，我正在揉面，我举起了沾着白粉的手，温和地摸摸他的头发，慢慢地说：“傻子，我不会死的，因为还得给你做饺子呢！(3)”

以后，我们又谈起这份欠着的稿子(4)，我的答案仍是那么的简单而固执——“我一样的守这个家，有责任的人是没有死亡的权利的。”

虽然预知死亡是我喜欢的一种生命结束的方式，可是我仍然不能死，在这个世界上有三个与我个人存亡牢牢相连的人(5)。那便是我的父亲、母亲还有荷西，如果世界上有他们活着一日，我便不可以死，连神也不能将我取去，因为我不肯。

让我父母在渐入高年时失去爱女，那么他们一生的幸福和慰藉，会因为这一件事情完全崩溃，这样尖锐的打击不可以由他们来承受，那是过分残酷也过分不公平了。

要荷西半途折翼，失去他相依为命的爱妻，那么在他日后的心灵上会有什么样的伤痕，什么样的烙印？如果因我的消失而使得荷西的余生不再有一丝笑容，那么我便更不能死。

这些，又一些，因我的死亡而将使父母及丈夫所遭受到的大劫难，每想起来，便是不忍，不忍，不忍又不忍。

毕竟，先走的是比较幸福的，留下的并不是强者，可是想到这彻心切肤的病痛，我仍是要说——为了爱的缘故，这永别的苦杯，还是留给我来喝下吧。

我愿意在父亲、母亲及荷西的生命圆环里，做最后离世的一个，如果我先去了，而将永远的哀伤留给世上的他们，那么是死不瞑目的(6)，因为我的爱有多深，我的牵挂便有多长。

所以，我几乎没有选择地做了暂时的不死鸟，我的羽毛虽然因为荷西的先去，已经完全脱落，无力再飞，可是那颗碎掉的心，仍是父母的珍宝。再痛，再伤，他们也不肯我死去，我也不忍放掉他们啊。

总有那么一天，在金色的彼岸，会有六只爱的手臂张开了在迎我进入永生，那时，我方肯含笑狂奔而去了。

这份文字本是为着另一个题目写的，可是我拒绝了只有一月寿命的假想，生的艰难，尘世的苦，死别时一刹的碎心又碎心，还是由我一个人来承担吧。

父亲，母亲，荷西，我的亲人，我爱你们胜于自己的生命，那么我便护着你们的幸福，不轻言(7)消失吧！

The Surviving Bird

◎ San Mao

Over a year ago，the Book Enthusiast magazine asked me to write an article in answer to the question，“What would you do suppose you were to live for only 30 more days from now？”

So far I still haven’t set pen to paper.

Hexi[1]，learning of it from me，asked with curiosity，“What would you do？”

I was then kneading dough．Raising my hand caked with white flour to caress his hair with tenderness，I said unhurriedly，“O silly，I’m not going to die．I have to live on to make jiaozi[2] for you！”

Later when we again mentioned the article I was supposed to write at the request of the magazine，I still took a simple and resolute stand.“I’ll keep watching over the house，”said I.“A person bearing responsibility for a home has no right to die at all.”

Although I know my favourite way to end this life is by death，I still don’t want to die．Three persons in this world have their fate so closely tied up with my life and death．They are my parents and Hexi．I refuse to die as long as they’re alive．Not even a god can take me away when I say no.

The loss of their beloved daughter would deprive my ageing parents of their life-long happiness and consolation．It would be cruel and unfair for them to suffer the crushing blow.

If Hexi should lose his beloved wife，with whom he had been living for interdependence，what an emotional trauma he would undergo！And what bitterness would be deeply engraved in his mind！The thought of the complete vanishing of smiles from his face during the rest of his life as a result of his bereavement made me all the more determined against my death.

I cannot bear to think of the great adversity to be brought on my parents and husband by my death．No，I can’t，absolutely can’t.

Yes，those who leave first are happier than those left behind，and the latter are not necessarily the stronger．In spite of my painful illness，I reiterate that for the sake of love，let me stay behind to drink down the last bitter cup of parting.

I hope to remain with my parents and Hexi in their lifetime and be the last to pass away．It would make me turn in my grave if I should be the first to die，thus leaving them with perpetual sorrow．My concern for them is as deep as my love for them.

Therefore，I have no choice but to be a temporary surviving bird．Though I can’t fly any more，having lost all my feathers due to Hexi’s death，my broken heart is still treasured by my parents．They just won’t let me die despite my spiritual agony and wound．And nor can I bear to lose them.

The day will surely come when six loving open arms on the other golden bank will welcome me to eternity．Then，and only then will I rush forward with a smile.

I originally intended this article to be written under another title．But I rejected the hypothesis that I was going to die in 30 days．The trials and tribulations of living，the sufferings of mortal life，the acute sorrow of parting for good—let me bear all that alone.

Dad，Mom and Hexi，my dear ones，I love you more than I do myself．So let me guard your happiness and never unthinkingly speak of my death.

[1] The author’s Spanish husband.

[2] Dumplings with meat and vegetable filling.

《不死鸟》的作者三毛本名陈平，女，浙江定海人，1943年生于四川重庆，1949年随父母迁居台湾，1964年入台湾中国文化学院哲学系学习，肄业后游学欧美。1973年她与西班牙男子荷西结婚，婚后到西属撒哈拉沙漠生活，1979年荷西潜水时意外丧生，她随即回台湾定居。1991年她自杀身亡，享年48岁。其作品介于自传性散文与小说之间，描写一个女子在世界各地的所见所闻。本文摘自林非选编《中国当代散文经典》一书（2003年1月出版）。

注释

(1)“爱书人杂志给我出了一个题目‘如果你只有三十天的寿命，你将会做些什么？’”译为the Book Enthusiast magazine asked me to write an article in answer to the question，“What would you do suppose you were to live for only 30 more days from now？”，也可译为the Book Enthusiast magazine asked me to write an article entitled What Would I Do Suppose I Were to Live for Only 30 More Days from Now？。

(2)“我一直没有动笔”译为So far I still haven’t set pen to paper或But so far I haven’t complied with the request of the magazine。

(3)“因为还得给你做饺子呢！”译为I have to live on to make jiaozi for you，其中to live on是译文中的增益成分，原文虽无其词而有其意。

(4)“这份欠着的稿子”不宜按字面直译，现译the article I was supposed to write at the request of the magazine。

(5)“在这个世界上有三个与我个人存亡牢牢相连的人”译为Three persons in this world have their fate so closely tied up with my life and death，其中have their fate是按内容而在译文中添加的词。

(6)“如果我先去了……那么是死不瞑目的”译为It would make me turn in my grave if I should be the first to die，其中make me turn in my grave是英语成语，作“使我不能瞑目于地下”、“九泉有知当亦不安”等解。句中“那么是死不瞑目的”也可译为I wouldn’t be able to rest in peace in my grave。

(7)“轻言”译为unthinkingly speak of…，意同speak of…without careful consideration。

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