徐光兴《枪 口》 -英语翻译教程-中英双语赏析

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枪 口

The Muzzles
徐光兴
Xu Guangxing
 
提示:这是一篇微型小说,文学的“微雕艺术”。其特点是以极少的笔墨展示生活的某一侧面,从小见大,纸短情长。在翻译过程中也应注意语言简练含蓄,通俗易懂,例如文章题目仍保持一个词Muzzle。同时要注意译者选择提前交代了一些故事背景,如人物的身份?他们在什么地方干什么?,大家阅读的时候即可发现。
 
官复原职的N省建材局杨局长和李秘书,走在蒿草丛生、芦荻疏落的湖边。
Yang had just been sent back to his former post, Chief of the Provincial Building Material Bureau. Later one afternoon he was walking with Secretary Li, hunting beside the lake where wormwood grew abundantly among scattered reeds.
🎈“篙草丛生、芦获疏落”虽然是并列的词组,在翻译时可根据实际情况改为主从关系,即篙草生长茂盛,间或有稀疏的芦荻。译为wormwood grew abundantly among scattered reeds从句式平衡及韵律上也更适宜。
🎈Chief of the Provincial Building Material Bureau:表示正职或独一无二的职位、头衔、等级、称号等的名词作表语、补语或同位语时,其前用零冠词。

 
“烟中列岫青无数,雁背夕阳红欲暮。” 
There were seemingly endless green mountain ranges stretching into thin mist, and wild geese silhouetted against the glow of the setting sun.
🎈该句出自周邦彦的《玉楼春·桃溪不作从容住》,意思是:烟雾笼罩着排列耸立的山岫,青苍点点无法指数,归雁背着夕阳,红霞满天,时正欲暮。
🎈积累译文中silhouette一词用法:silhouette sb/sth (against sth) 使呈现暗色轮廓
例句
A figure stood in the doorway, silhouetted against the light.
门口站着一个人,屋里的亮光映衬出他的轮廓。
🎈出个小问题:“逆光的少年”套用这个词该怎么翻?
🎈夕阳setting sun
落日the sinking sun
 

西风,秋水,雁阵,衔着落日的远山,交融在一起,更增添打猎者的无限兴致。
An autumn stream ruffled by the west wind, and the lines of wild geese set against the background of distant mountains embracing the sinking sun, harmoniously merged to enhance the joy of the hunters.
🎈“交融”与“增添”两个动词可用to不定式连起来表示结果。故译为:merged/converged to enhance the joy of the hunters。又,“西风”与“秋水”之间的ruffle(使泛起涟漪)、“雁阵”与“落日远山”远景之间的set against the background of将不同的意象连接了起来,而不是干巴巴地列出四种景,更显“交融”之意。

 
“嘎——”传来一声水禽被惊动的鸣叫。
Quack!” came the cry of a startled water bird.
🎈“一声水禽被惊动的鸣叫”实际是一只被惊动的水禽叫一声,故译为cry of a startled water bird,表示鸟儿受惊,而不是声音受惊。

 
杨局长从李秘书手里接过一支崭新的猎枪,爱抚地摸了一下。
Bureau Chief Yang took the brand-new hunting gun from Secretary Li and caressed it with affection.
🎈积累常用表达“崭新的brand-new”。

 
它是双筒枪管,枪身瓦蓝铮亮,枪口黑黝黝的,有一股逼人的寒气。
It was a double-barrelled shotgun with a shining blue body and a pair of chilling black muzzles.
🎈此处汉语显得拖沓、冗长,英译时采用直接形容及with短语,将“瓦蓝”、“铮亮”、“黑黝黝”及“寒气逼人”都融进一个短语中,更为简洁明快:a shotgun with a shining blue body and a chilling black muzzles。此处因是“双筒枪管”,故在处理单复数时有改动。

 
三十多年前他打游击时,也没拿到过这样的枪。
He had never held such a fine weapon, not even in those days of guerrilla warfare thirty years before.
🎈游击战guerrilla warfare
🎈(也没拿到过)这样的枪选用上义词,译作了such a fine weapon。weapon很明显是指“枪”,结合“游击战”的背景,“这样的枪”也是在夸这枪是个fine weapon,此句侧面体现了杨局长对手里这杆枪的爱不释手/惊叹。如果有同学把“枪”字对字地译了出来,也是可以的。

 
“吱嘎——嘎呷”,从附近湖面的荷梗残苇中,窜出几只白颈黄蹼、羽毛灰麻麻的水鸭子,在空中扑腾乱飞,惊悸声声。
“Quack! Quack!” Out fluttered into the air several grey-feathered ducks with white necks and yellow-webbed feet.
🎈个人建议将“Out fluttered into…”改为Out (of) the reeds fluttered into…,省译“荷梗”,和本文第一句的 scattered reeds呼应。此时out为副词,指“在别处,在远处”,用法为out+ adv/prep。
🎈out 用作介词现在只流行在美国,如out the gate 和out the window。在英国用 out of,很难得用 from out,如from out the gate 和from out the window。
out 用作介词有下面几点该注意:
(1)有些美国人以为不该把 out 用作介词而该改用 out of。
(2)out 用作介词通常用在 door, gate 和 window 的前面,不用在 house, room, garden, school 等词的前面。
(3)out the door, out the gate, out the window, out the wall 等表达方式里的 out 有时作“在……的外面”解。
(4)He lives out this street 是“他住在这条街的离开中心较远的地方”。He is driving out the street 是“他正在离开这条街的中心驶去”。
🎈yellow-webbed属于“形容词+名词-ed”构成的合成形容词。E.g. noble-minded高尚的;good-tempered脾气好的。web作名词,可表示一些鸟类或动物的“蹼”。

 
赶着猎狗的捕猎社员,也悄悄地摸到这儿。
The commune hunters stole to the lakeside, their hounds at their heels.
🎈“悄悄地摸到这儿”用一个动词stole 即生动地表现出来。
🎈their hounds at their heels表示“猎狗紧跟其后”。(和散文选相比,108篇译文“创作”的程度要略高。)

 
好几支猎枪的枪口,同时瞄准了这些空中猎物。
Several muzzles at once aimed at the fleeing birds in the air.
🎈“同时瞄准”译作at once aimed at,并未确切译出“同时”。此种译法更符合捕猎者遇到猎物瞬时做出反应的真实场景。
🎈“这些空中猎物”指前文说的“窜出来的水鸭子”,现译作the fleeing birds。此处用bird,类似于“weapon”指枪。

 
“砰——”老杨开枪了。一缕白烟消散,一只水鸭子像断线的风筝,从半空中坠下。
“Bang!” Old Yang fired. A wisp of white smoke dispersed to reveal a duck falling from the sky like a stringless kite. 
🎈reveal作动词指“显示;表明;透露”的用法:reveal+n/that/wh-、be revealed as、it be revealed that。
例句
A survey of the British diet has revealed that a growing number of people are overweight.
对英国人饮食进行的一项调查显示有越来越多的人超重。

 
“打中喽,打中喽!杨局长,你真不愧是当年游击队里的神枪手。”李秘书像个孩子似的跳着嚷着,奔过去捡猎获物。
“You’ve scored a hit! Chief Yang, you did deserve to be called the crackshot in the guerrilla warfare days!” Secretary Li jumped and shouted with joy like a child and rushed to pick up the shot bird.
🎈命中、击中score a hit
例句
The lion scores a direct hit to the face of the bear.
狮子直接击中了熊的面部。
🎈“真不愧是”→值得某一称号,现译作did deserve to。did deserve(do v)结构起强调作用,凸显“真(不愧)”之意。
🎈神枪手 crackshot(经常玩游戏的应该不陌生)
 

老杨只是“嘿嘿”笑了几声,拍着枪连声说:“好枪,好枪!”
Old Yang chuckled, patted the gun and said, “Excellent shotgun! Excellent indeed! ”
🎈chuckle一词本身便表示“咯咯/嘿嘿地笑、轻声地笑”,已经自带音效了,不用再把“嘿嘿”译出来。
 

他俩朝熄了引擎的黑色小轿车走去。老杨说:“老王这家伙,介绍的地点还蛮不错呢。”
As they were walking to the waiting black car, Old Yang remarked, “That fellow Wang recommended a fairly good spot to us for hunting.”
🎈”熄了引擎”未明确译出,而是模糊处理成了the waiting black car,不影响大意。
例句
The hotel had a taxi waiting to collect us.
旅馆召了辆出租车等着接我们。
🎈“蛮不错、相当不错”,very当然不错,今天换个词fairly。
 

李秘书试探地凑上前去说:“他是您的老部下嘛。这次他请您批50吨建材物资给他……”
Seizing the opportunity, Secretary Li cut in probingly, “He used to be your subordinate, didn’t he? This time he’s asked you to grant him 50 tons of building material…”
🎈赏析“试探地凑上前去说”译文Seizing the opportunity, Secretary Li cut in probingly,处理地非常巧妙,没有受困于原文。“试探地”可不就是“趁机……”?又,“说”没有简单译作say,而是处理为了cut in(插话),更能体现李秘书的“急于试探”之心。

 
“你不要为他做说客。不批,半个字也不批;针尖大的洞,也会刮进斗大的风。咱党员干部,那歪门邪道不要搞。” 
“Don’t you ever try to talk me into consenting on his behalf. I won’t agree, not on any account! A tiny opening will let in a gust of wind. We Party cadres should not engage in any under-the-counter business.”
🎈Don’t you放在句首表示否定,不用、别之类的意思。
例句
Don’t you sass me, too, young man.
小家伙 别跟我顶嘴。
🎈“为他做说客”实为“替他劝我同意”,故译为talk me into consenting。
🎈(谨代表……)on one’s behalf/on behalf of…,政府工作报告第一段固定表达,老朋友了。
🎈(无论如何)决不、完全不not on any account
例句
I would not on any account trifle with her affectionate solicitude.
我不论如何都不会轻视她诚挚的关怀。
🎈汉语俗语“针尖大的洞,也会刮进斗大的风”可用英语中类似结构与比喻译出,使英语句子也像个谚语:A tiny opening will let in a gust of wind。
🎈We /Party cadres:/前后互为同位语。
🎈参与、从事engage in
做生意engage in trade/business
🎈“歪门邪道”的意思英译有多种方法,此处处理为under-the-counter business,还可译成dishonest practice等等。under-the-counter指“台面下的;非法的;私下的;暗中的”,under-the-counter business就是不正当交易。

 
他停了一下,朝烟波迷茫、水天一色的湖面瞧去。
Yang stopped to glance over the misty lake where the water joined the sky. 
🎈水天一色the water joined the sky。原文中前置定语“水天一色”处理为了where引导的定语从句,衔接值得学习。

 
“好景致,可惜婷儿没有同来。”
“What a nice view! It’s a pity that my daughter Ting hasn’t come with us,” he concluded.
🎈可惜……、……真遗憾 It’s a pity that…
🎈“婷儿”文中第一次出现,再加上杨局长和李秘书的对话是基于二人都知晓婷儿身份的前提下进行的,故此处直接点明“my daughter Ting”较为合理。

 
“她今天有更高兴的事儿。”李秘书故作神秘地笑笑说,“王主任托了文化局的老马,同意把您的女儿调到省实验话剧团工作。”
“There is something nicer in store for her today,” Secretary Li smiled with an air of mystery and went on. “Director Wang has managed to get your daughter transferred to the Provincial Drama Troupe with the help of Old Ma of the Cultural Bureau.”
🎈就要出现在…身上、即将发生在…身上in store for sb.
例句
They didn’t know what was in store for them.
她们不知道接下来会发生什么。
🎈an air of中的air指「神态,感觉,总体印象,氛围等」
何为《第二次考试》
……甚至连不带任何表情的教授们也不免暗暗递了个眼色。
…and even the professors, who usually wore an air of casual indifference, could not help exchanging knowing looks at one another.
叶梦《今夜,我是你的新娘》
……安谧和神秘的氛围正是我为这种神圣的生命仪式所作的设计。
… tranquility plus an air of mystery is what I design for this once-in-a-lifetime sacred ceremony.
🎈 managed to(努力、费心……)是增译成分,指「王主任为这事花了不少力气」,更好地为后续情节做铺垫。
🎈调岗、转业等可用transfer一词。
 

“嗯?”老杨的眉毛拧了个结。
“Really?” Old Yang knitted his brows.
🎈“眉毛拧了个结”→皱起了眉、眉头紧锁。此处也可译作Old Yang frowned upon that.

 
李秘书只当没察觉,坐进轿车,手扶在车门上,仿佛自言自语地说:“就拿这辆车来说吧,也是王主任出力调拨给您的。那回大姐犯病进院,还多亏这辆车接送。” 
Secretary Li pretended not to notice it and got into the car, and with his hand still on the door, murmured as if to himself, “As for this car, it was allocated to you through the effort of Director Wang too. When your wife fell ill, she was rushed to hospital in the same car.”
🎈with his hand still on the door: with复合结构在句中表状态或说明背景情况,常做伴随、方式、原因、条件等状语。常见形式有七种,with+名词/代词+介词短语(形容词/副词/名词/done/-ing分词/to do)
🎈通过…的努力through the effort of 政经类翻译常用,“通力合作、多年努力”都能用。
🎈生病,病倒fall ill

 
“该死,早把我当猎物给瞄上了。”他下意识地攥紧枪把想。
Damn it! I have long been aimed at as a target!” Old Yang thought as he subconsciously tightened his grasp on the shotgun.
🎈Damn是粗话,(表示愤怒或不耐烦)该死,可恶,他妈的。如Damn it!该死!
🎈早已,一直 have long been
例句
Bats have long been known to harbor disease.
一直以来人类就知晓,蝙蝠可以免疫于疾病。
🎈(摘自网易云评论)推荐一首歌曲《shotgun》,曲调很轻快,歌词里有riding shotgun(坐在副驾驶)的表达,其中,shotgun表示“副驾驶”。riding shotgun起源美国西部历史,那时驾马车的人坐在右边,路上会经常有劫匪,所以,总要有一个人坐在左边副驾驶位置手里拿一杆枪,以防万一。从此以后,坐在车的副驾驶位子是就叫做ride shotgun。下次听见这首歌别再问歌名为什么叫“散弹枪”了。

 
李秘书一眼溜到枪上,像又想起什么说:“王主任知道您喜欢打猎,这支猎枪,就是他特意托人专程送到您家的……”
Secretary Li took a swift glance at the gun, and seeming to have been reminded of something, said, “Director Wang knew that you were fond of hunting, so he had this shotgun sent especially to your home…”
🎈“一眼溜到枪上”译作took a swift glance at the gun,表明李秘书的机灵劲,下套一把好手。
🎈and seeming to have been reminded of something中的and连接的took…和said,seeming to结构作伴随状语。
🎈had this shotgun sent是have…done结构,意同do。

 
车发动了。老杨陡然一惊,不觉倒抽一口冷气:黑黝黝双筒枪口,冒着寒气,就像两只黑洞洞的眼睛,死死地瞄准了他……
The engine started. Old Yang was taken aback and couldn’t help drawing his breath sharply. The chilling black muzzles glared coldly at him just like a pair of black eyes.
🎈吃惊 be taken aback
例句
But leaders here in South Korea were taken aback.
但是最近韩国领导人感到震惊。
🎈此句英译时语序宜做相应调整,以符合英语习惯。“死死地瞄准了他”译成glared coldly at him,把眼睛盯住的动作译了出来,更为形象生动,比用aimed更好一些。结束时汉语用删节号,而英语应改用句号。
  
🔥必背词汇
abundant        adj.大量的,丰富的,充足的
英义
Something that is abundant is present in large quantities.
例句
There is an abundant supply of cheap labour.
廉价劳动力供应充足。
 
scatter         v.使分散,使散布在各处,使散开
英义
If a group of people scatter or if you scatter them, they suddenly separate and move in different directions.
例句
After dinner, everyone scattered.
用餐后,大家各奔东西。
 
reed       cn.芦苇
英义
Reeds are tall plants that grow in large groups in shallow water or on ground that is always wet and soft. They have strong, hollow stems that can be used for making things such as mats or baskets.
例句
The river banks were overgrown with reed.
河岸长满了芦苇。
 
silhouette      v.呈侧面影像,呈黑色轮廓像
英义
If you see something in silhouette, you see it as a dark shape with no detail except for the outline.
例句
Even from behind in silhouette, Billy recognized the figure.
即便看到的只是背影的轮廓,比利还是认出了那个人影。
 
goose        cn.雁,鹅
英义
A goose is a large bird that has a long neck and webbed feet. Geese are often farmed for their meat.
例句
The goose saw her and cackled loudly.
那只鹅看到她,大声地嘎嘎叫。
 
ruffle        v.吹皱,使泛起涟漪,使起伏不平
英义
When the wind ruffles something such as the surface of the sea, it causes it to move gently in a wave-like motion.
例句
The evening breeze ruffled the pond.
晚风吹皱了池水。
 
merge        v.渐渐消失于,融入,相融
英义
If one sound, colour, or object merges into another, the first changes so gradually into the second that you do not notice the change.
例句
Like a chameleon, he could merge unobtrusively into the background.
他就像一条变色龙,可以神不知鬼不觉地隐藏在背景中间。
 
embrace       v.抱,拥抱
英义
If you embrace someone, you put your arms around them and hold them tightly, usually in order to show your love or affection for them. You can also say that two people embrace .
例句
Penelope came forward and embraced her sister.
佩内洛普走上前拥抱了她妹妹。
🔥重点表达
蒿草丛生、芦荻疏落的湖边beside the lake where wormwood grew abundantly among scattered reeds
夕阳setting sun
落日the sinking sun
增添打猎者的(无限)兴致enhance the joy of the hunters
崭新的猎枪the brand-new hunting gun
瞄准aim at
枪口muzzles
开枪fire
像断线的风筝,从半空中坠下fall from the sky like a stringless kite
一缕白烟a wisp of white smoke
命中、击中score a hit
游击战guerrilla warfare
神枪手 crackshot
批50吨建材物资给他grant him 50 tons of building material
(无论如何)决不、完全不not on any account
参与、从事engage in
水天一色the water joined the sky
就要出现在…身上、即将发生在…身上in store for sb.
生病;病倒fall ill
通过…的努力through the effort of
该死!Damn it!
早已;一直 have long been
吃惊 be taken aback
 
🔥复盘测试
蒿草丛生、芦荻疏落的湖边
夕阳
落日
增添打猎者的(无限)兴致
崭新的猎枪
瞄准
枪口
开枪
像断线的风筝,从半空中坠下
一缕白烟
命中、击中
游击战
神枪手
批50吨建材物资给他
(无论如何)决不、完全不
参与、从事
水天一色
就要出现在…身上、即将发生在…身上
生病;病倒
通过…的努力
该死!
早已;一直
吃惊
 
🔥表达对比
「喜欢」有几种表达?
 
王主任知道您(喜欢)打猎,这支猎枪,就是他特意托人专程送到您家的……
Director Wang knew that you were fond of hunting, so he had this shotgun sent especially to your home…
 
对于物质上,我却(喜欢)北平的花多菜多果子多。
But I am keen on the flowers, vegetables and fruit which grow in rich abundance in Peiping.
 
我(爱)花,所以也(爱)养花。
love flowers and hence have taken to growing them.
 
(爱)宁静淡泊,沉思默想的,深深的小巷在欢迎你。
Those who are given to profound meditation and a quiet life without worldly desires, welcome to the lane! 
 
他(喜欢)爱运动的蓝眼睛女子。
He’s partial to sporty women with blue eyes.
 

未经允许不得转载:帕布莉卡 » 徐光兴《枪 口》 -英语翻译教程-中英双语赏析

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